How to be Socially Awkward.

 How to be Socially Awkward in five easy steps with examples, pictures, and gifs.

   

1. Look painfully self-conscious and/or dress like you don’t care.

            

a) Posture

You do not know what to do with your hands. Ever. Stand and sit rigidly and when you move, do so in a way that screams, “NOBODY LOOK AT ME!!” but that also makes everyone look at you.

b) Appearance

Wear nerdy cloths. Preferably a Doctor Who tee-shirt, faded jeans that are baggy and several inches too short.  Steel-rimmed glasses and white sneakers are a must. Braces are a bonus. Wear your hair in a pony tail or two stiff braids. Or better yet, let the bushy frizz win and do nothing with your hair. Or wear whatever the heck you want. As long as it looks hideous and doesn’t match or follow social norms, you’re good to go.

2. Be really random and have lots of “accidents” which you hope no one saw. 

    

a) do stupid things

Such as talk to yourself or inanimate objects when no one is around.

Join random social-suicide clubs

Break dance

c) Be spastic and clumsy

Walk in to glass doors

Fall when everyone is watching.

Then make a distasteful joke about it.

c) Be super random and non-conventional

Say random things

Do random things.

 3. Make conversation as painful as possible

a) panic and blank when the pressure is on, and thus say the first thing that comes to mind

Develop a stutter or pronounce particular words in non-conventional ways.

Ask awkwardly personal questions or provide TMI during random silences.

b) you simply have no idea as to what constitutes a socially acceptable thing to say. 

Implement unnecessarily archaic vocabulary.

 Be very, painfully frank and honest about everything.

Be completely culturally inept.

Say things which are extremely politically incorrect

4. Make people feel as uncomfortable as is physically possible when you are nearby.

 Pull out your cell phone when someone starts talking to you.

Generally ignore people to avoid talking.

Make outrageous demands and hold your ground.

     

Accidentally catch someone’s eye, then stare at them for five minutes, blinking occasionally.

Cry or get unreasonably defensive when someone asks you a question.

               

Invade personal space

Poke people

Try to be cool but fail miserably

      

 5. Create a mental state which fluctuates between…

a) having a mental panic attack

 Everyone is staring at me O.o

 Someone asks question *instantly forgets all words*

 b) to wallowing in self-pity

Everyone hates me.

c) to not giving a damn.

I hate everyone.

I never want to see another human being again.

I will never go outside again.

d) And finally you come to a resigned acceptance of your impediment.

Congratulations! You now know how to be socially awkward.

Now your life is over.

Sorry not sorry for the language and sarcasm.

have a good day!